My husband said to me, 28 years ago, you can be right or you can be happy. I was sure he was wrong.
I’ve done a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology (yes, Happy-ology), studied and worked in the coaching arena for nearly twenty years, dedicated huge portions of my reading time to what makes people happy, and I still make most of these blunders.
The way to avoid happiness, it seems, is a mindfulness minefield.
And because of this, we bring ourselves unnecessary pain, suffering and hurt. Instead of letting the stuff that doesn’t work go, we persist, and wonder why happiness seems too far away.
So, starting in 2022, we are going to get clarity on what no longer serves us, and we will embrace the journey toward being our very best selves.
January 2022 – Give Up the Need to Be Right. I see too much defensiveness. Too much “I know”. Too much “You don’t need to tell me”. And as social media pushes us more into our little narrow silos, we get more convinced that our worldview is right, and that others are just wrong.
Each moment of righteousness creates separation, division, isolation.
Proving points over someone else achieves so little. A petty piece of turf in an argument? A fleeting sense of superiority? A momentary feeling of victory?
And now what? You have scored the “point”… and you have pushed people away, not sought to understand or learn, shown you are uncomfortable with connection…
I would rather be connected. I would rather feel close to another. I would prefer to know that the other person feels seen, heard and understood. And I wonder what the world would be like if we each decided that being kind, being connected, and being understanding was more important than being right.
February 2022 – Give Up Blame
Jack Canfield shares, in The Success Principles, that taking responsibility is one of the foundation stones to a great life. Coaching, cognitive behavioural therapy, and Neuro Linguistic Programming are all built on the same foundation. Blame will move responsibility from you, but it will also move the power to do anything about the situation you are in.
Taking 100% responsibility is not always the most popular message these days. And there are situations where you are not responsible. But you will always have the power to be responsible for one thing. And that is your response to the situation.
If your response is to blame, you stay stuck. Maybe
March 2022 – Give Up Your Negative Self-Talk
I began my coaching journey in 2003 because I was going crazy with my negative, self-defeating, fear-consumed self-talk. Leaving the house provoked negative self-talk. It was so bad I could go four hours without pause on catastrophising.
It was exhausting.
I became a coach to learn how to master my mind, instead of letting it master me.
I started with catching myself in one of my negative self-talk spirals, each time I remembered, and interrupting the cascade of negativity with a paragraph I wrote myself.