What's the difference between reacting and responding?
Join Sharon Pearson and Elysium Nguyen (Glam) as they dive deep into conversations about why we react emotionally, tools to become self-aware, and strategies on how to respond in a way that's full of clarity and calm. If you are someone that experiences 'emotional roller coasters' and want to bring more stability, fulfilment and calm peace into your days, then this episode is for you.
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Elysium “Glam” Nguyen: Thank you so much for being here.
Sharon Pearson: Pleasure.
G: Welcome to the Perspectives Podcast with the absolutely fabulous and amazing Sharon Pearson.
SP: And I'm here with the phenomenal outstanding magnificent and completely glamorous glam Nguyen.
G: Oh so close so close.
SP: Practice will make after 8 years, I’m almost ready.
G: I think hence the Glam.
G: Yeah. Well we've been having such incredible I’ve been looking, I don't know if you know, We've been looking reading through all the comments and the feedback we will be sending back through. And it's just it's been phenomenal.
SP: Good, good to know that
G: The conversations that are happening.
G: The input the feedback and I think Woody just behind the camera just sharing before that he's every minute he’ll have like ding ding ding ding of e-mail good. You’ve got another YouTube comment, you’ve got another review.
SP: I love all the different directions is telling us we can type this.
SP: because there is so much off even today's conversation and our doesn't feel enough because I know I can unpack that and we can unpack that for another conversation. So that to me is I love it.
SP: This is hitting all my sweet spots in terms of my needs and my wants and my desires and things that farm me up is like bing bing bing. I love it.
G: And of the biggest feedback we're getting is the fact that these are the conversations that they wanted to hear more of
SP: Oh good.
G: It's the kind of conversations that these are things that we experience in everyday life that nobody's talking about.
SP: Yeah sure.
SP: And I think one of the things I'm learning more and more is having an intimate conversation has been a dying art but I think there could be a bit of a swing back towards finding a way back to them. There are pockets of people not everywhere I'm not going to generalize and say there is a world movement there's not but there's pockets of people enough that love showing up for an intimate conversation where things have to time to be unpacked more fully.
G: That's what makes this so wonderful it's a platform to have conversations.
G: And one of the wonderful question was she was sharing that it's wonderful people opening up it's incredible. One of the questions that someone sent in was that you know I experienced so many ups and downs in my life. Life is a little bit like a rollercoaster of emotions now. And you have a lot of things you want to do once you learn more about it. How do you bring stability to that? How do you bring fulfilment and calm peace you the feeling that you've got yet he hasn't had?
SP: That’s the big question isn’t it? So we don't have 45 minutes do we were going to say three days is over. You guys can do this over a few days. So the first thing to reflect on and thank you to that person is what is it you want to experience in your life? So some people want the drama and more power to them if that's how they want to be. And they wanted to be dramatic and they wanted to be a rollercoaster. Then don't change anything to now. My benchmark always is what is it that I want to be experiencing in my life on a consistent basis? And am I experiencing that. And if I'm not and there's a gap what am I going to do about it. Where am I prepared to do about it? What am I a where I could be doing about it? And what do I need to go and learn because I have no idea what to do about it? And so life to me isn't all or I'm. It's just the way I am. I don't live that way because we're changing day by day. It's just which direction and you're changing. Because you're gonna be changing you better like the way you're going because it's inevitable. So to me it's always just who I. It's not just who I am It’s just how I am it's by design as much as I can. Given all the impact points from my past that I'm not aware of and given all the impact points that are triggering today that I had no idea about given all of the Unknowns all the variables I cannot account for and therefore can do nothing about. Given all of that where is the narrow part where perhaps so I can have some influence? And so I can't speak to the person who has the drama? I can speak to the person who's saying Well this is uncomfortable for me or this isn't working for me because the last thing I'm going to do is should turn up with judgment and say well you should be less dramatic. You're going to attract certain people. If that's the way you ride you're going to have certain experiences if that's the way you're right. And if they're the experiences you want in you're not questioning to now. But for a lot of people having more stability and feeling more functional and feeling that we can handle it.
SP: that's a gift. And it's not coming along simply because you wish you were. I would count on less than one hand the number of people who are adults who are raised in such a way that their self-esteem is so intense that they believe they can handle it? That's maybe to people that's ridiculous. Most people are living their lives to various extents being pinballs.
SP: that life is flicking at them. They are reacting to it and they get flicked to the next thing and they react to it and they flip to the next thing and I know this so well this is how I lived.
So if that's not comfortable and that's hurting which you know probably does. What can we do about it? And that's pretty well where I like to dive in.
SP: that's that to me is like that's the conversation because that's the gap finding I love finding gaps.
SP: people tell me I'd be optimistic No I'm going to keep with my looking for the gaps and being curious from my clients and for myself and people around me well where isn't it working and where do we need to turn down the dial turn up the dial or even noticed there is a dial you could be changing right now that would absolutely move you towards more stability functionality effectiveness calmness more loving relationships what are those elements that to me is this game changing that's life changing?
G: It completely is. And I think the one thing about your work in the quest that you've been on and what you create as a result of that is it lays out that pathway for people. Is it is tunning into a lot of steps that I could take you know to bringing stability to take ownership of life?
G: cause it's cause so many people say that you know some people say to be in control of your life or take responsibility or know yourself
SP: Go for it.
G: Oh yeah.
G: how well where do you start?
G: So if if I'm reacting right now I'm in a space where you know life just goes to mean that all the drama and there are those things happening where Why would someone begin?
SP: Firstly be aware of it and ask yourself Is this how you want it to be. Because again if it's how you wanted to be rock on with your good thing but if it's causing angst relationship disharmony you're finding too much conflict within yourself and outside of yourself you there. There are easy ways of detecting this this is not a good way to be living. I'm old enough now that I probably should have this area of shit to get there and I still am worrying about this. So self-awareness is that one just to be aware of ourselves and that is such an easy thing to say and I could skim over it and say be self-aware but I'm finding the more I do this being self-aware is one of the hardest things for people to do if you're so far away you'll be out to take this journey. Okay great. I'm self-aware. But most people I would say most are not self-aware and they would say they are. Maybe it's controversial or they would say it doesn't matter that much or I'm overthinking or whatever but until we're self-aware and see ourselves accurately we don't know the role we're playing or the piano keys to be paying to change the song. So our life is going to be this disharmony you just just chords just random chords being hit because we don