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#PERSPECTIVES | How to Align Your Habits With Your Goals














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SHOW SUMMARY

If you’re curious about learning the best strategies for aligning your habits with your goals so you can begin living the life you want, then this episode is for you. Sharon dives into how she utilises strategies to move her closer to living an awesome life. The self-awareness, pattern recognition, the trial and error and healthy habits she continues to establish and re-establish, helps her to create her ideal average day where she feels fulfilled, love, joy and calm. If this is something that you want to create in your own life click play, take notes and lets go on this wonderful journey together.


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FULL TRANSCRIPT

Elysium “Glam” Nguyen: I’m here with the absolutely amazing Sharon Pearson.


Sharon Pearson: How are you Glam.


E: Very very good thank you. We are in the perspective podcast as brought to you with You Quest. And we're going to continue a wonderful conversation we started from the last episode.

E: Part two on how to create stability in your life and bring that… Sense of knowing that you can handle it. You've got this and I know we started with a wonderful conversation around. The self-awareness. To bring to that what is actually mean when we got to unpack all different colors and modes and layers of it. And I’d love to open to start this, with I know one thing that you’re phenomenal at with the strategies that you bring, to having that self-awareness and what strategies do we have in place to move us closer towards living our awesome lives. So, share us your thoughts on that.


S: Thoughts. Well as I'm hearing you speaking I'm putting in place okay. What you're saying fits into that strategy that fits into it. I'm just coding at all people we please to your I don't do them regular conversation but when I'm working I'm hearing everything through code. So how is that useful so let's keep our eye on the target. Target is. Less drama. More functional. More loving and compassionate relationships. Emotional intimacy a sense that I can handle it. Well. So what does that take. We've done a whole conversation on self-awareness. Why did we do that. Because I can't talk about what to do if we don't know what to bring in terms of ourselves. Because anything I say now is. Gonna be useless. If if the person hearing it doesn't shift their mindset around how they're showing up. So we had to reverse engineer to there. And then once we get to their Will where do we need to go now and it's going to be a conversation about strategies and the recognition that as much as there is luck in life and there is. There is good like there's bad luck. Good things happen to bad people vice versa. Every combo is occurring within the flux of what's going to be happening. There's us doing our best to navigate. And our best is determined by how good a strategy we use. That's it. We we get to any level of game be it a. Not even a contender in the finals to bronze medalist silver medalist gold medalist world champion based on in any field. How effective are the strategies we have access to given the limits of ability. Yeah I'm apparently never going to be an opera singer. Hard to take I know are really. I'm sorry to hear that. So as I get as I move through my life I keep saying to my husband who has another career I won't be doing because I don't have access to my first year I don't have talent and potential but I just don't access that strategy. But the things I care about. That I really want to master man I've got to get the best strategies possible said to me. Given the flux of life. My potential ability and the limit to that. And there are lots of forces I can't control and influence but within the little narrow window that is me and I can't control influence I better get the best. Strategy There is. And I better be willing to upgrade it which is why the previous conversation had to happen because if my ego is in the way I'm just going to run with my strategy. None of none is going to be heard. So yeah I'm doing the best. Okay. Let's look at that. Are you doing your best. Are you getting the outcome. You say you want to get. Because you're getting what you want. But if it's not the outcome you say you want to get. Man, you're not using the best strategy. So are you doing your best. You're doing your best in this moment. But could you upgrade and stop being. In the pool of the best in that area be what. What would it be for me. I care about my relationship with myself. I am hunting for the best strategies for how to have. Habits. My inside. Feels just as amazing as I know my outside is. That's. A huge number of strategies I'm learning. I'm implementing I'm rejecting I'm trying on. Failing at making myself enjoying exploring love it all. So there's that. Then there's relationship. Relationships and people who are closest to me. Then there's I need. I love the idea of functioning well in the world and everything not being a drama and just being a. Swim around the world. You navigate conversations with strangers and navigate situations I'm unfamiliar with without it being a thing. Without me bringing a lot of self-consciousness or uncomfortableness or intimidation or whatever other crap I used to have going on. So I need strategies for that. I love to be wealthy. So I'm learning in always upgrading my strategies around wealth creation. This business and entrepreneurship and sales and leadership and so go. So wherever I want to experience. Functionality stability. Predictability I want to be to predict the results to some extent given the flux that's going on in the messiness of humans. I want to have a sense that I've got some say in the game that it's not just happening to me but happening through me and with me. You know I want that. Well then I better have a good strategy. So we're. That's where self-awareness comes in. Because wherever I look in my life. And it isn't that. I've got to be at to bring me to and and so how much of that is me. And the more it's made the better it's gonna be. Do you get that. Yeah. Because the more it's me the more I can change. Yeah. Yeah. I'm powerless. I think it ain't me. It's yeah I've got. I find that just so frustrating and I don't know what to do. I've tried everything. I think I'm bringing me to it I. I'm willing to change. But I still don't. We're not getting the results. I feel powerless right now. I find that really frustrating. I know that about me. So for me I'm going to get excited where there is a bit of groove for me. So then it's about okay. Well what is it in there that I can change shape influence impact adapt. Let go of. Learned to tolerate whatever it is. And they are the strategies. Yeah that's where it's at. And the clearer I can see myself in it and wherever I'm not getting the target. Whatever it is. The clearer I know I can learn what needs to go there. Yeah. So. Yesterday for example it was just such a wonderful feeling of clarity and joy. JP My husband came home. I can probably stop saying he's my husband. I think people know that. JP came home. Is it. I said How was your day. He described it. He described some of the events of the day. How was your day by day. Was flat out as well. Oh yeah. What were you doing. I experienced joy. I was flat out feeling love. I was flat out feeling challenged. I was run off my. I did it deliberately just having so much fun and playfulness with my ideal day. It wasn't the experiences it is but it's how I related to them. And that's been a dream of mine Glam. For as long as I've known that that could be a dream of mine. So I described my day through my I am flat out feeling love compassion joy challenge flat out playfulness could not be busier I couldn't fit in another inch of joy into my day and that's how I described my day and that's how we described today. Which is still going on wonderful. So that's the strategy. Yeah that didn't just happen. Because you're 16 years ago when I was suicidal I thought I'll just describe my day through cheerful terms that is not what freakin happened. So I've spent years and that's where I come back to how easy do you want wonderful to be. Yeah yeah. How easy does it have to be for you for you to give it a go. Because I'm not describing what's been easy.


E: So. How do you how do you go about finding the strategies. What's your criteria around knowing that’s it a great strategy or it’s good.


S: My favorite question ever! Love it! It's one of my favorite questions I have a number anyway, you probably never even ask them yet but they'll be my favourites when we get to that. So one of my favorite things in the world. Is getting to a place where I don't know. But knowing somewhere in the world there is the answer. Yeah I love that place. I live for it. I light up around it. And if you can train.. If anyone can train their to light about light up about anything. It should be that.


E: Yeah.


S:Because then you're going to be the seeker of the truth of accuracy. So. That's a great example. Like yesterday when I described my day. Well how did I get to that. Well years ago when I realized I was describing my day through conversations I had the literal busyness flat out with appointments I was on the phone all day or whatever. I didn't feel joy. What's my target I want to feel joy. What am I going for hit the bull's eye for me is a joy. I feel high saying bull's eye but you know what I'm saying. Like where am I trying to hit you. What does it want to experience. I want to feel blah. So Will how do I get to that. And I know it sounds so easy now so you just. But I didn't have access to that. So I went and studied. And I didn't know what to study so I studied some bad stuff some in different stuff some stuff that didn't work for me. And amongst it the occasional Jewel and I'd try it on for a little while. Like a quarter 90 days. And then I'd. Assess. My describing my day the way I want not not yet dive back in and I will do that. Eight or nine 10 times I'll go outside of me. You know people would say know I point out a challenge this all have to think about that well you can't. Tell me you got to think about it because you're going to bring thinking about it that got us here. Yeah. So basically you're saying it is going gonna bring the same problem tomorrow. No. No that's not okay. In business I get to say that it's wonderful. I know we're not going to just go out and think about things the same way we thought about yes that we have to upgrade the software. So I go away and I study and I love reading books. I can't believe podcasts exist. I think they're just the fastest way to download wisdom ever. I download books. I will do a course. I'm. Just the seeker of. Accuracy around it. Until then I try it on. Still not the same. Try it on and I just keep adapting adapting adapting until I run the strategy that gives me the outcome I wanted in the beginning and then is about it becoming habitual. So I just rehearse it every day I'm just rehearsing describing my day through elements of emotionality rather than elements of things I did. I avoid answering the question now quite a lot. What are you up to today. So my answer tends to be I'm up to feel out today I'm up to feeling a lot of joy and I'm not feeling a lot of challenge but I'm not going to pin myself down to how that's going to unfold or where it's going to appear and I certainly don't describe it any more through appointments doesn't do it for me. Maybe it does if you or whatever does it for you. So until I can have the experience the way I dream it can be. I keep learning and updating and adapting my strategy and then it's just about test to measure test to measure. Literally I'm testing and measuring the feelings I'm having the emotions I'm having the experiences I'm having the relationships I'm having. Is this the emotional intimacy we said we wanted. If it's not we have something to learn. Either you learn or Learn. But one of us or both of us has to get learning because until we can bring you firewood to the campfire. It's diminishing. Because us just breathing more of the same hot air on it isn't building the fire. And so are you making me not making me feel warm so we've got to change so strategies to me is adventure.


E: Yeah


S: Oh I just as light up to me as is the most wonderful adventure. I wonder what the answer is I don't know. I want to read it's going to take me I don't know. I wonder if that's gonna work for me. Well that didn't work. I'll do something else and just the key to this and I probably should have included it in the previous episode we did on this part one was the key is adaptability. You know how rigid we are is how little we were hear what I just said. And how adaptable we are is how much we will embrace or have already embraced what I just said. Because I know I have taught that same principle. To people in our programs now for nearly 20 years. And I know some people hear it and say I've heard you say that before. So what. How you doing with it. And I know some people here in going and this is how I've applied it and this is what I've changed. This is what I've learned but unless we're willing to be incredibly adaptable and we need to a whole episode on emotional health. Because emotional health is adaptability it's recognition. This strategy we're doing this isn't working. Where can I adapt to help improve the emotional health of this. And you'll be thinking where can I adapt to improve the emotional health of this. And I know you and I have done that.


E: Yes.


S: Either consciously out loud to each other or privately we've gone away and we've come a come together with a better version of us. And we've done that over and iteration after iteration after iteration until there's a level of blunt truth between us that we both can count on. Yes but in the beginning we didn't have that. Now we got here by chance. By good fortune by desire and then by willingness. There were a lot of factors over the years to get us to that but that has taken both of us going away. Not just me and not just you and figure out well what part of that can I contribute in a different way. And sometimes is what part you think I can contribute and what part I think you contribute and being open about that and adaptable around that. And we were never. As far as I remember ever defensive about it. I don't ever recall. I don't recall defenses around it. We just got on with it from the day we met. It's been like that and I know that's a rare thing what I'm describing. I do appreciate everyone's here in this thing who I've got that but that's what it's taken that adaptability and there are plenty of people at where we are. In this case the coaching institute and global success institute these people I can't have that within you can't have that with. Because the strategy isn't gonna be updated because they're not adaptable they are rigid in their thinking rigid in their approach rigid in their expectation of a relationship is quite a low expectation. So don't put your effort in just so it's not worth the effort and you know that. So that this not just relationships it's everything we're doing. It's health it's wealth it's. How we feel about our day it's the living environment we create it's what we're willing to tolerate. They're all strategies. So to me every single day my attitude is every strategy is up for grabs and probably wrong thinking.


E: Yep.


S: That's managers. I'm probably always open yourself up to you always… always. All the time in the last two days I've listened to four and a half hours of podcasts. Ideas on relationships ideas on business. They will talk for fifty five minutes to two hours. I might have got three ideas would have been a minute and a half of stuff. I'm ready to hear in a way that relates to me and I've updated my strategies or I haven't yet because I don't know how I'm going to go away and do some study. That to me is joy and it means I'm always going to be expanding and not diminishing it means I'm always gonna be able to say honestly yeah I'm bringing my best self. This is my best effort. I have read the books I have had the conversations I have attempted the mentoring good or bad I have you know I've brought all of me an attempt to think differently about this. Tell me what I'm still not seeing because I'm doing my best. Upgrade the strategy. Yeah so that's. That's the importance of adaptability in strategies and how we show up to them but also the importance of actually getting a decent strategy. And again do you want to be a player on the in the audience player in the field. Bronze silver gold and I use as a measurement. Everyone you know a lot of people say oh it's not a comparison gold for yourself in comparison to you yesterday. Yeah I'm not talking about how you beat someone else and who and how you’re bettering you.


E: Yes. And it goes back to the question of issues in part one is that it's not working for you. Try something different.


S: Why are you defending it?


E: Why are we defending?


S: What are you defending right now. It's not working. This is not working. You're still arguing for what exactly what exactly and this was said to my clients. What exactly are you fighting for right now. And it's a status quo it's rigidity it's this toxic insecurity it's that it's the toxicity that is the the failing that's the failing in the system. And the moment we have that toxicity and that rigidity defense mechanisms firing and everything we said about cognitive dissonance fires in and the ego clicks in and clarity is lost. No hope excepting what I'm talking about there's no access to a new strategy because they're too busy in their heads arguing with themselves about how that's not right no one's got the right you can't say that that's not fair. Okay we're done.


E: And then the tape runs


S: And that's it. We're on automatic. Yeah. Let the snowball go down the hill. Let it inevitably just bowl into everything because this new is no longer available.


E: Yeah. And what's brilliant about the way that you play charges is that you then turn it into patterns. You create new because it's not simply that find strategies that works, then it's not studying a life for the sake of it either. You apply it to put into action it becomes a habit becomes a pattern. And then there's that Check of. Well is it working for me. Yeah. How do I get this working for me so tell me a bit more about that. How do you go about finding the patterns turn them into that.


S: Well I don't I'm sure I'm missing most of them but you I'm human and that means a messy and that's part of humanity but pattern recognition to me is wisdom. So wisdom is understanding what works.


E: Yeah


S: That's wisdom. And if you accept that definition of wisdom that it's understanding what works then. But by default you become a seeker of strategies that work and recognize it. Well how do you recognize what works what gets the outcome. It achieves the outcome the desired outcome. That's a good thing I would say another criteria is it does it in a way that's fairly graceful. As in everybody in the day doesn't feel like killing each other. We've been through this when we go through tough times. I say we're going to get through it.


E: Yes


S: We will. It's just whether or not we're going to be graceful and still enjoy each other at the end of it. And to do that we're going to have to live our values. So strategies and pattern recognition. It's not just it achieved it. And you got the goal. It's you did it in such a way that you feel within you. That you were your best self. Living your values and those around you got to do the same thing. So you didn't step all over somebodies needs. You didn't disrespect somebodies boundaries. For example