If you have been wondering how you can start achieving the goals that matter, this episode of #Perspectives is for you. We have done something a little different for this episode, taking you straight into a training room with Sharon Pearson and a group of wonderful life coaches to explore why and how we set aspirational goals and the one shift it really takes to achieve them.
KEY TOPICS AND TIME STAMPS:
- 0.00 Why I don’t coach people on what they want first but secondary
Understanding that the goal we set and what we say we aspire to achieve isn’t our truth.
We set aspirational goals as a way to mask our current state.
We think we’re going to go for it consciously but unconsciously we have no intention of doing it. It’s a way of displacing our pain and shame of not living up to who we thought we’d be.
- 5.00 What I coach on now
I don’t coach on the goal someone wants to achieve; I coach on the truth of how they are hiding, who they’re not being, what they are missing about themselves.
I hope to recover who they’re meant to be and how they can grow and as they change their perception of themselves, they change their goal because their goal was a way of putting outside of ourselves if I get that then I’m okay.
What if we reverse it and coach people on how to be okay rather than how to achieve a goal to feel okay.
- 6.20 Reaching Goals isn’t about working harder it’s about changing your strategy
Start getting your mind working for you then ask yourself well now I know who I am and I love who I am what is it I’m really looking to create.
- 7.30 Ambition with meaning is misery
That’s why people keep pursuing the goal wondering if they’ll ever catch happiness and they never do because their strategy is wrong from the beginning.
- 7.58 Over Ambition and Under Ambition
Under Ambition is a sense of give-up-ness
When I coach someone and I see them flaking and being completely disconnected from even having a go, I’m seeing what I call give-up-ness
When I identify that I almost immediately know what happened in their past for them to have landed on that strategy
- 8.40 Example of Under Ambition
Someone in their 40’s who’s still under ambitious, easily lacks resilience, doesn’t push through, dresses poorly, doesn’t take care of themselves, has failed repeatedly to hold a job down, it’s always the bosses fault.
I know immediately that that’s a strategy they learned and perfected in childhood.
No one comes into life wanting to mess it all up. It’s painful to constantly have defeat and setbacks and never ever have a reason to feel different and freaky, that’s a painful way to live.
So I know at some point in childhood there was a trigger. From adults, caretaker, a ‘big person’ who has responsibility for caring for them did something, behaved a certain way, rewarded it, punished a certain behaviour. And that child has associated that reward and punishment to how they should behave. ‘Don't sine too much,’ ‘you’re a bit big for your boots there,’ ‘no one likes a smart girl’.
There is two ways to respond, over ambition or under ambition
You can’t keep coaching on goals and ignoring their under ambition as they will always default back to their under ambition never achieving those goals
- 12.45 I-Amness Traits
Traits we are often born with that we often grow out of by the time we reach adulthood. These include
Sense of humour
Ask yourself, when was the last time you experienced these qualities
Observe if and when these qualities arise.
o 15.25 Example of an observable trait that we can use to understand why someone acts the way they do…
What qualities and aspects have been denied and conditioned to cause them to act in a certain way.
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