Join Sharon live in London, the third stop of the world tour, and listen is as she discusses expanding our awareness and acceptance of a perceived issue in our life before we jump to action, in order to create real and lasting solutions rather than superficial ones.
KEY TOPICS AND TIME STAMPS:
0.22 What we need to do for our selves and our clients is create real transformation, by helping them reclaim, reconnect and restore every emotion
Ā· There are three steps to transformation
Ā· Awareness > Acceptance > Activation
Ā· If I want to experience a different reality, whatās causing my current reality?
Ā· Thoughts, perceptions, habits, conditioning, programming
Ā· Action coaching is just giving help on steps they can take to solve their problems but that doesnāt help them expand awareness of their thoughts, perceptionsā¦
Ā· Nothing in the mind will change
Ā· Transformational coaching is about setting them up to make the decisions themselves by expanding their understanding of themselves
Ā· Fixating on the problem ignores the source of the problem, and there will always be others to take its place
5.21
Ā· I was raised to not have access to anger, anger was banned in my family, for girls, dad could get angry
Ā· What emotions were not allowed for some of you?
Ā· Audience Member: Expression
Ā· Sharon: What do you mean by expression?
Ā· AM: I loved to talk, and my mum put up a photo that said āyouāre not allowed to talk too much, shut upā
Ā· S: Why do you think the sign went up?
Ā· AM: Because I talk too much, thatās what she said
Ā· S: Thatās not why the sign went up
Ā· AM: Because she couldnāt handle it
Ā· S: There it is, so who was it really about?
Ā· AM: Her
Ā· S: Right, but when youāre a kid itās hard to see that. How do you think your mother was raised
Ā· AM: Raised in a house where children were meant to be seen, not heard
Ā· S: And how do you think the people that raised her were raised?
Ā· AM: Same way
Ā· S: Isnāt that interesting. I call it a tribal cycle. When Iām coaching you, Iām coaching the tribal cycle that taught you what you see, which is āthe sign went up because I talk to muchā instead of āthe sign went up because she couldnāt handle itā
Ā· Iām loving your mother right now. Why?
Ā· Because weāre going to now move to acceptance. Weāve got the awareness piece, now letās move on to part two
Ā· Because she need to hear this too. As did you grandmother, and all the rest
Ā· Weāre all victims of victims
Ā· If we find a perpetrator, we are putting the problem outside of ourselves
Ā· āIf they had only been differentā but weāre talking about changing generations of tribal cycles
Ā· Instead we have to say, this stops with me
13.30 This is one of my favourite models, weāve got two scales, thereās the self (awareness, acceptance and more) and on the other, there are our problems
Ā· If the problem is beyond our awareness, it looks huge
Ā· If we instead raise awareness, the problem is redefined
24.10 I learned a lot of this stuff from the story The Little Soul and the Sun by Neale Donald Walsch, which goes something like this
Ā· A little soul went to heaven and said to God I want to know myself
Ā· God says you are everything, what more is there to know
Ā· The little soul says, I want to know love
Ā· God says okay if you want to know love, Iām going to send you down to earth, and in the moment where you feel the most loved, and youāre with someone who you feel you can trust the most, Iām going to have them strike you down. And in that moment, if you still love, you will know love
Ā· So the little soul goes down, and he finds someone, who he trusts and loves completely
Ā· And in the moment of him giving his heart over, the moment of total vulnerability, that great friend struck him down
Ā· And in the moment, he either remembered that he was love, or he was doomed to repeat the moment
Ā· Iām freeing my client from being doomed to repeat it
Ā· So that story is about acceptance of what is
Ā· And until we move to acceptance of what is, weāre not really going to change it because our thinkingās not going to change
27.36 Am: Is there a responsibility to acknowledge your part in the tribal cycle?
Ā· S: Not as a child, but as an adult yes
Ā· As a child, your responsibility is to be a child, and thatās it
Ā· Am: And what age do you have to grow up?
Ā· S: When I got to 37 I thought I should probably try
Ā· A lot of what we need to do is to get back to being a child
Ā· Itās not about lack of responsibility, itās about being fully ourselves
Ā· Iāll come to your question about adult responsibility, here is my metaphor for that
Ā· You come to a puddle, what does a fully embodied kid do?
Ā· Jump in and make a splash
Ā· And the adults will avoid the splash, avoid the puddle, maybe bitch about it
Ā· So a childās job or responsibility is to experience spontaneity, curiosity, warmth, love, playfulness, adventure, risk-taking, etc.
Ā· Whatās an adultās responsibility? I believe its to live our best lives
30.34 As we go higher on the awareness and acceptance scale, our emotional reactivity goes down
Ā· It gets us to a place where we donāt get hooked by everything our family does
31.06 AM: I have a question about acceptance, what if the client has so many things that have happened that they canāt get to acceptance because the things are unjust and unfair
Ā· S: Firstly, if your client has been so traumatized by a childhood event, you should refer them on. We donāt coach that which is beyond the realms of coaching
Ā· AM: What if the concept of unjustness, unfairness, inequality is important to your sense of self
Ā· S: Are we talking about you or your client?
Ā· AM: Me
Ā· S: Whereās the inequality?
Ā· AM: Feels like everywhere, Iām not sure. Iām thinking about the history, when I look at generation to generation, thinking about especially class inequality
Ā· S: Whoa. So Iām coaching you, and youāre bringing to your session, the planet. Weāre going to need a little bit longer. Clients bring their issues to their session, the donāt come saying to me, can you solve the inequality on the planet
Ā· Clients come to me for help with them, not with others
Ā· So thatās the awareness now do you see how if you come to a coaching session and ask me to help you with people I havenāt met yet, youāre asking to set me up for failure?
Ā· AM: Yes
Ā· So thatās acceptance, and then the activation would be, āHow could you do that differently so itās more impactful for you?
OTHER RESOURCES:
Ā· Ultimate You Book - www.ultimateyouquest.com/book
Ā· Ultimate You Quest Telecast - www.ultimateyouquest.com
Ā· Upcoming Events at The Coaching Institute - www.thecoachinginstitute.com.au/trainings
Ā· Sharonās New Website - www.sharonpearson.com
Ā· Disruptive Leadership- https://www.disruptiveleading.com/
Ā· Phone The Coaching Institute - 1800 094 927
Ā· The Coaching Institute Fan Page ā https://www.facebook.com/BecomeALifeCoach
Ā· Feedback/Reviews/Suggest a top to be discussed - perspectives@sharonpearson.com
Ā· Perspectives YouTube Channel ā https://www.tci.rocks/youtube
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