I know why I fear abandonment.
I still chase when someone withdraws.
Hi, I'm Remi
In 2003, I wasn't searching for a new career.
I was depressed, unwell and thinking about suicide. At that point, my greatest ambition was not to build a business, write books or teach thousands of people. It was to experience one whole day without anxiety.
I needed to answer one burning question:
Why is it that some people, even though they experience heartbreak, triumph?
Why are some people defined by what happened to them, while others somehow find a way to become more fully themselves?
I began training as a coach because I needed to understand.
If you are struggling right now, please reach out. In Australia, Lifeline is available 24 hours a day on 13 11 14.
Recognised along the way
That question became my life's work
It led me into coaching, psychology, human behaviour, attachment theory, trauma, relationships, parts work and the emotional architecture beneath the patterns we repeat.
It led me into thousands of hours holding space for people when the explanation they had for their pain was no longer enough.
And, slowly, it helped me find my own way home.
Everything else came later.
The business. The books. The models. The stages. The awards. The millions of people reached.
They all grew from one woman trying to understand why some people experience heartbreak and still find a way to triumph.
More than twenty-three years later, I'm still following that question.
Explore the workI'm interested in what makes change possible
Much of personal development helps people understand themselves. That matters, but understanding a pattern does not necessarily change what happens when the pattern is activated.
I understand boundaries.
I still say yes when every part of me means no.
I recognise the pattern.
I still cannot stop it when I'm triggered.
My work lives inside that gap
I work with the emotional and protective architecture beneath our behaviour. This includes trauma, attachment, parts work, self-abandonment, boundaries, conflict, emotional integration and the complicated business of learning how to remain connected to ourselves while we are connected to another person.
Emotion Integration TechniqueA practical process for reaching the emotion a protective pattern has been organised around avoiding.Holding space is one of my deepest strengths
Not filling the silence.
Not rescuing someone from what they feel.
Not imposing my preferred answer because their uncertainty makes me uncomfortable.
Sometimes the part that will not change is not broken, stubborn or resistant. Sometimes it is protecting something we have not yet learned how to meet.
Relationships bring all our shit to the surface
Relationships are where attachment patterns stop being interesting theories and become lived experiences.
- Pursuit & withdrawal
- Self-abandonment
- Boundaries
- Rupture & repair
I make models because I can't leave a good question alone
When I encounter a problem that existing ideas do not adequately explain, I tend to disappear down the rabbit hole until I can see its underlying structure.
Emotion Integration Technique
The emotions beneath protective patterns.
Critical Alignment Model
What produces the gap between what we want and what repeatedly happens.
T.R.U.S.T.M.E.
Trust. Relatability. Uniqueness. Systems. Tenacity. Meaning. Evolution.
Ultimate Influence
Helping someone make a quality buying decision without scripts, manipulation or pressure.
And yes, I built a rather large business too
I built The Coaching Institute from a spare room into one of Australasia's most successful coaching schools, then built it beyond my own delivery and sold it.
- Founded2004
- 11,000+Coaches trained
- Nearly$200MRevenue
- Sold2024
- $50MSold from stage
- 100+Countries reached
A lovely collection of shiny things
- Telstra Victorian Micro Business Award
- Telstra Victorian Business Award for Innovation
- Victorian Business Owner category winner
- National finalist and People's Choice recognition
The ideas survived contact with actual people, difficult decisions, commercial pressure, rapid growth and the occasional complete shitshow.
Success was always meant to travel further than me
As The Coaching Institute grew, I became increasingly aware that the opportunity to pursue a meaningful life was not equally available to everyone. So I founded The Coaching Institute Foundation.
Millions of dollars contributed to causes around the world
Through my personal giving, the Foundation and the generosity of our community, we supported causes that were confronting, overlooked or unlikely to attract fashionable attention.
- Animals Asia
- Moon Bear Rescue
- People and communities experiencing profound hardship
If we had the ability to help, then we had a responsibility to notice where help was needed.
I love a proper conversation
I love conversations where both people think, question, challenge, laugh and occasionally change their minds. That is what Perspectives is for.
- Richard Schwartz
- Peter Singer
- Michael E. Gerber
- Dr Julie Smith
- Dr Shefali Tsabary
- Oliver Burkeman
- Six
books - Three
bestsellers - 11M+ podcast
views & listens - Master of Applied
Positive Psychology
What I'm doing now
I write, think, record conversations and turn the strongest ideas from my life's work into books, models and practical programs people can explore in their own time.
Show me where to startI want to create work that helps people see something they could not previously see, meet something within themselves they had been avoiding and become more capable of choosing what happens next.
Talk to Remi